Sorry

Inspired by Ntozake Shange (1914-2018) ~ sorry

one thing i don’t need is any more apologies from whiteness who built careers on the bones of people they never intended to see

i got sorry greetin me at my front door wearing a suit and a smirk and a camera crew callin it accountability

you can keep yrs

i don’t know what to do wit em when the sorry comes after the ratings drop after the tide turned after the wind shifted and somebody told you the emperor had no clothes and you finally~ finally~ decided to notice

they don’t open the doors you helped nail shut

they don’t bring back the trans children you made a punchline the immigrants you made a threat the Black and brown communities you made a scapegoat every single primetime night the wars you started the families you starved the hate you gave

didn’t nobody stop the violence cuz a sorry

i am simply tired of collecting apologies from men who weaponized microphones and called it journalism

i didn’t know i was so important to you~ important enough to apologize to now now that it costs you something to stay silent

where was the sorry when you were reading the script when you were nodding when you were amplifying when you were profiting?

i’m gonna haveta throw some away i can’t get to my people through alla the sorries stackin up from whitness who watched and smiled and cashed the check and then found their conscience

i’m gonna tack a sign to my door~ leave a message by the phone~ if you called to say you’re sorry call somebody who believes performative repentance is the same as repair

i don’t use em anymore

let sorry soothe yr soul i’m gonna soothe mine with the names of everyone who told the truth before it was safe before the cameras turned before the apology tour began

you were always inconsistent~ doin somethin and then bein sorry beatin this democracy to death talkin bout you sorry

well

i will not call i’m not goin to be gracious i will raise my voice and name what you did and name who got hurt and name the years and name the lies and i will not apologize for none of it

i will list in detail every organizer every advocate every ancestor every undocumented dreamer every queer child every Black voter you tried to make afraid

i will play them loud and i won’t be sorry for none of it

i loved this country on purpose i was open on purpose i still crave truth and accountability and actual repair~ not a press release

and i’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry

you can carry all the guilt and grime ya wanna just don’t give it to me

i won’t use another sorry

Period.

OH!

and before you come at me about forgiveness~ don’t

just~ don’t

miss me with the semantics and your misconstrued sunday school bumper sticker understanding of what forgiveness even is

forgiveness is not a door i open so you can walk back in

forgiveness is not amnesia it is not reconciliation on demand it is not the removal of consequence it is not your comfort your closure your redemption arc

from a Womanist understanding~ forgiveness is mine it lives in my body it moves on my timeline it is an act of self-liberation~ not absolution for the one who did the harm

Delores Williams taught us that survival is sacred that the wilderness is where Black women have always done the holy work of refusing to be destroyed

forgiveness~ when and if it comes~ is part of that survival

it is not a gift to you it is not even about you

so no~ i have not forgiven you and G-d and i are working that out between us

you don’t get a seat at that table

~Selah

Dr. TAD

Thought Provoker | Critical Agitator | Black Diasporic Protagonist | Womanist.

#SayHerName | Abolish ICE | Flip Tables in November | Gaza | Congo | Sudan | Tigray | Cuba | 600,000 Black women erased from the workplace | 41% breast cancer mortality disparity | Reproductive Justice | Shut Down Detention Centers | Climate Control Now | Deny Extractive Data Centers | No One Is Illegal on Stolen Land